Self-hatred is normal … or is it?

We have to look a certain way to be loveable

You believe (mostly) that if your body doesn’t look a certain way, it’s the wrong way. And if you don’t look the way society expects you to, then you’re not worthy of love.

You are too scared to be the real you for fear of what you look like.

We are often shells of women who are too scared to be who we are for fear of what others might think.

If you have stretch marks it’s bad and ugly!
If you have cellulite it’s bad and ugly.
If your stomach forms rolls when we sit or bend…its bad and ugly.
If the number on your clothes tag is above 12 it’s bad and ugly.
If you don’t exercise or walk 10k steps you are bad and wrong.
If you don’t do yoga you just haven’t gotten life.

This is just how it is, right?

It’s hard to appreciate what you have, who you are and what you look like.

I get it. I was living in a tortured unhappy relationship with myself for years. I believed that everyone was judging me for my size. I was sad and lost and embarrassed. I felt invisible.

It’s just a story we tell ourselves, that’s not normal or necessary…. It’s Boring

Yes it sounds negative, because it is.  And I held onto this belief like a security blanket.  

I realised that I wouldn’t love my children any more or less if they put on or lost weight, or had small boobs or cellulite or wrinkles, so why did I feel the need to hate on me?

It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to lose a few kilos but it also doesn’t mean my life stops because I haven’t.

And I certainly don’t need to be an apology for who I am. It’s boring and uncalled for, and invalidating to all the imperfect women around me. And the truth is … the strangers I was worried about weren’t wondering anything about me, they were too busy feeling all the pain and anguish about themselves.

Love and blessings,

Kelley Storum
Virtual Women’s Village Service Provider,
Self-Love Coach and co-Author of ‘Whole Hearted Wonder Women 50 Plus‘

Image: ‘Journey of the Heart‘ credit to Arna Baart